I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
