We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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