so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
