Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
