Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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