Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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