I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
