I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize