We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
