Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
