I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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