If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
