the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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