Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I cut my penus on the lid.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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