We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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