he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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