ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
