He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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