sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
