It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
