what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
