You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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