Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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