things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
