i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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