We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
