Nicole vs. Life
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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