so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
