Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
