Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
