I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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