you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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