Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
