no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
