I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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