Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Sorry my hands just texted you
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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