Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
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