At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
