considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I need a beard to bite.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
