better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
