I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
