are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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