a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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