I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
