wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
