woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
