the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
