I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize