woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize