Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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