i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
