I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
