Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
