Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
