DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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