My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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