So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
