I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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