I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
