Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
