OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
