i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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