I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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