What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
