Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
