My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
