You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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