he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Are we still banned from the library?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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