So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
