nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
