two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize