your thong is hanging out like whoa
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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