Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
