I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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