I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
