I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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