I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
