I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
