3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize